Agony of the Exiled
A Touch of Nokoko by Kofi Akumanyi
In the euphoria following the return of Gen. Gowon it would not be out of place to remind ourselves of the rough path ahead of refugee leaders. According to a book soon to be released by the eminent Political Scientist, Dr Ebenezer Ogidigidi, there are three distinct stages which all deposed Heads of States go through - initial shock of being overthrown by the military, followed by a brief period of intense feeling of betrayal on realising that some people they trusted are among those who planned and executed his overthrow, and finally after a series of carefully stage-managed press conferences aimed at exposing the 'insincerity' of the coup makers, settle down into an uneasy and fitful (peaceful?) oblivion.
According to Dr Ogidigidi's 'The Political Philosophy of Exiled Leaders' in which he claimed he studied the life style and philosophy of many Third World leaders in such predicament, he found one common trend running through the lives of such people — all of them have property and fat bank accounts in foreign countries.
The practice is quite widespread, he asserts. On assuming power, most leaders immediately begin to arrange contingency plans to take care of the 'rainy day' - a very prudent decision indeed, considering the fact that rains in those parts of the world are very unpredictable. The acquisition of numbered bank account in Swiss banks, shares in businesses in Europe, city penthouses and country mansions are therefore a must for all leaders who have their heads screwed on properly.
In this very useful handbook for political leaders, Dr Ebenezer Ogidigidi makes very useful suggestions. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to get the eminent political scientist to interview on some of the very controversial points raised in his book.
Take the case of Field Marshal Idi Amin of Uganda, the conqueror of the British Empire' who is now in hiding somewhere in Saudi Arabia, for instance. I'm sure he would have something to say on these issues (has he ever been known to be lost for words on such matters?)
Then of course, there is the case of Ex-Emperor of the Central African Republic, Jean Bedel Bokassa who is currently encountering very embarrassing circumstances in his status as ex head of state in France and the Ivory Coast. I have not been able to talk to any of these men yet but I quite imagine an exclusive interview would have gone something like this:
"This business of living in exile is understandably very exasperating and . according to Dr Ogidigidi's book
"Dr who? I don't know him. Is he British; They really hate me, you know; the British." observes Amin.
"Dr Ogidigidi is African and he claims that you ex-leaders have enough money in the foreign banks to keep you happy all your life.".
"Did he say that? He certainly does not know what he's talking about. I and my family are living on charity here - by courtesy of the government. You can ask anybody" emphasises Dada Amin expansively.
"But your life-style isn't exactly on a refugee's budget, is it?"
"This is capitalist propaganda calculated to bring my name into disrepute in the estimation of reasonable men of the world. I'm an honourable man who tried to rid my country of pests . . . human pests.."
"By eliminating them?"
"What do you normally do with pests? History would prove me right when the history of Uganda and the world comes to be re-written, it would be realised that I am one of the greatest and most effective leaders that walked the face of this earth. I shall return to Uganda... some day as second time conqueror of the British!
…
"Very unfortunate business, I mean, your being tossed about from country to country like a yo-yo" I open the interview with Ex-emperor Bokassa.
"It's all because of the bad international press I have been subjected to. People just don't understand me; especially the foreign press; they have never understood me" Jean Bedel Bokassa tells me from his country mansion outside Paris.
"They do understand you, except that you didn't make it easy for journalists to like you, especially when you hit them on the head with the studded walking stick when they kneel before you.", I remind him.
"That matter was greatly exaggerated. . . greatly blown out of proportion. Anyway, I happen to believe in keeping the media in check", confides the Ex-Emperor, "and that method happens to be quite effective."
"It seems to me that you didn't succeed, if the scale of bad press that you got on the occasion of your coronation was any indication", I observe.
"It was pure jealousy, and nothing else. The splendour of the occasion had not been witnessed anywhere in Africa before and nobody would surpass it," He says with a sparkle in his eyes as he mentally relives those glittering days of ostentation.
"All lies... they were very happy and enjoyed every minute of the coronation. . . Anyway, who gave you this information?" he asks.
"It is from Dr Ogidigidi's new book on exiled leaders. He also suggests that if you could sell all that you have abroad and return the money to your country's national coffers you might be allowed back to live to a ripe age before you die."
"He said what? Is he crazy? I am a worthy citizen of Central African Republic and all I want is to go back. I have suffered enough humiliation ." There are tears visible in his eyes. I am afraid he is going to break down and cry.
"It's like in the Bible.. Return the loot, your atrocities, notwithstanding and you'll be free to enter your . Kingdom. Or is it Empire?" I emphasise.
"No, no, a thousand times No! I want to go home where I belong.. to my people . . . ungrateful friends that I have... they need me.. To think that I gave diamond gifts worth millions of francs…”
(Dr. Ebenezer Ogidigidi's 'The Political Philosophy of Exiled Leaders' is still in manuscript and would not be available on the bookshelves for quite some time.)
