For crying out loud!
A Touch Of Nokoko by Kofi Akumanyi
He casually announced that his wife Mary was expecting another child. Now that piece of news, I can assure you, was very disturbing for many reasons. You see, Yaw, like many Ghanaians in his position, has fallen into bad times. As a respectable middle class civil servant he had led quite a comfortable life and before marrying his wife had planned to have four children, a number he had calculated he could accommodate without strain on his circumstances.
Then the past few years saw the gradual deterioration in the economy and the living standards of almost everybody. That was the time he revised his babies production programme and agreed with his wife that they could afford only two.
Even though Mary was not exactly over the moon with this change of mind, she perfectly understood the reason behind the action and took her family planning seriously.
You can imagine my shock, therefore, when I got this cablegram last week that Mr and Mrs Beeko have four brand new additional mouths to feed. Even though the expletives had been politely deleted from the message, I immediately sensed that there would be a crisis in the Beeko family - why not in these circumstances?
If you come to think of the fact that with the new techniques being used to help childless couples have babies with the result that multiple births are making front page news and grabbing prime time radio and television spots, with the parents smiling from ear to ear and offers of help pouring in from all over the place, it is paradoxical that in Africa, and Ghana in particular families would wring their hands in despair when such things happen.
Oh well, Yaw Beeko is a man of steel and would therefore not do any silly thing like committing suicide over this and leave his poor quadruplets destitute. But then whether he liked it or not I thought some sort of congratulations would be perfectly in order.
I gave him a buzz. I could hear the four siblings yelling their lungs out in the background. "I got your message. How wonderful! Congratulations to you and Mary. What a way to begin 1984!" I said.
"What a way, indeed! I'm going out of my mind with worry, Kofi. How in the name of all the gods at once can I cope with four new healthy mouths on my salary which has been eroded by inflation and buffeted with shortages?" he asked.
I had no answer to that so I tried to steer the conversation from that area and look on the bright side. "Surely, in situations like this, our external families come in very handy to help take care of the children - at least feed, change and wash nappies...?"
"Kofi, you have no idea the side effect of this whole affair. The families have come alright."' "Good, so what's your problem?" I wanted to know.
"They are helping, except that they are eating more than the babies they are looking after. Imagine feeding three more grown-ups in addition in this situation" he lamented and the din of babies crying grew louder threatening to drown the long distance telephone conversation.
CHARITY
"That's sad, I must say.""You will be sadder to hear that my mother, a strong believer in tradition, is also pressuring us to perform the customary rites associated with twins and such multiple births." I could feel his misery seeping through the line.
"You wouldn't do any such thing! Think of the expenditure! Slaughtering of goats and all those bottles of Schnapps!"
"You're telling me, sitting 6,000 miles away from where the action is."
"Oh come out of it. You know that Ghanaians exhibit their best side at such occasions. I know friends and relatives would offer all sorts of help to make you get by eventually," I consoled him. "Over my dead body! I'm not going to be for charity for my children." he almost cried.
"That's not charity. It's an appreciation for your... for your... well, for being able to produce quadruplets at one go. Not everybody can do that!" I said.
"Rubbish!"
"Well, you could, at least, appeal to the government for supplementary benefit or some sort of aid."
"Nobody does that in this country. There are no such facilities, if you've forgotten so soon. Besides, the latest indications from government sources confirm that this country is in for another bad year of food shortages. There is nothing to spare for my four additional mouths." I wasn't sure but I thought I heard him sniffing six thousand miles away. Tears filled my eyes.
"So what can we do about this?"
"Very little but you can give a helping hand."
"You can rely on me" I said but I really didn't expect what came next.
"Thank you very much, you're a pal. Whatever could I have done without you. Can you send by Ghana Airways at the earliest possible time four dozen nappies, 8 feeding bottles, 2 dozen baby's soap, 2 sterilising units, one dozen large size lactogen..."
As the shopping list grew longer and longer I began to wonder whether Yaw Beeko would agree with Oliver Gold smith when he wrote about the virtues of having a big family in "The Vicar of Wakefield".
