Talking Drums

The West African News Magazine

Marriage Cheats On The Prowl

A Touch Of Nokoko by Kofi Akumanyi

Two out of every three husbands under 45 have had affairs on the side, claims a marriage expert. And two out of five married women in the age group, says June Knowles - who dropped a bombshell recently with her claim that adultery can save some marriages. In the journal of the Marriage Guidance she said: adultery could be creative, restoring and strengthening a marriage even if the other partner found out.

Mrs Knowles said 'I don't believe an affair should ever be the single cause of a marriage break-up. In many marriages adultery causes no threat to the relationship’ (Story from News of the World.)

My friend Eddie Grant and his wife are going through a stormy period in their five year old marriage. This is not a case of the familiar love triangle - another woman in the relationship - or so I thought. Eddie is a strictly one wife man, a moral situation he obviously acquired through his upbringing as a young boy of a Catholic parentage.

He met his wife, a chorister, when he was serving as an Acolyte of the priest in their local church. Everybody said theirs was a marriage made in heaven because they suited each other. Their two children are the sweetest darlings that you ever met and Eddie’s well-paid job ensured that the family could live comfortably and within their means. So what was causing the friction in this movie-type marriage in which the couple is supposed to live happily ever after?

I have spoken to both Eddie and Yvonne in an attempt to resolve the rather unpleasant situation but much as they appear to talk freely about other issues they were reluctant to discuss their marriage which both somehow admit, is sitting dangerously on the edge of a precipice. Well, being a good friend of the family I decided to take the matter into my own hands and deal as best as I could. The last time Eddie and I met at our local pub raised the issue.

"Eddie, you know that you and I have been friends for a long time and won't do anything to hurt you. I'll do anything for you just as you would do for me if I were in any trouble… “

"Well, come to the point quickly… What’s your problem?” he cut in to interrupt the preamble.

"My problem? It's rather your problem. I'm worried about you and Yvonne. You must sort this… marriage before it collapses."

“A doctor can't help you if you don't tell him the symptoms of the disease, can he? In any case, whatever is causing problem, I can tell you solution has been found," I said.

"Oh really? I can't wait to hear it?”

“It’s simple, you must go out and commit adultery.”

“Is this a sick joke or something?” Eddie asked in a snarling tone.

“Oh no it isn’t. Wait until you hear who suggested this”, I paused. “One Mrs Jane Knowles dropped this in a journal of the Marriage Guidance Council”

“Is that woman crazy?”

“Not yet. She also claims that adultery can save some marriages instead of breaking them up.”

“I don’t believe you. I really don’t believe that someone would suggest a thing like that,” Eddie said laughing. I could not tell whether it was the effect of the beer but I thought he seemed a trifle happier than he had ever been recently.

“I’m therefore suggesting that you go and have a girlfriend. If you could be creative, it would restore and strengthen your marriage, according to Mrs Knowles.”

“Did she say how the creativity in adultery can be achieved?” Eddie asked.

“Well, she didn’t but I think she means that if you being to have an extra-marital affair, you have to develop skills to outwit your spouse - tell lies glibly, explain away lipstick on your shirt front, find excuses for coming home late etc. if that’s not creativity, then I don’t know what is is!” I said.

“That’s interesting. But did Mrs Knowles say how to deal with a wife who finds out about her husband’s activities?” he asked.

“Since she claims that adultery can strengthen a marriage which is threatening to break up, you can sit your wife down and tell it to her like it is” I advised.

“Just like that?”

“Precisely, and if Mrs Knowles’s claim is correct, your wife would embrace you and probably cook you your favourite dish in appreciation of your extramarital flings” “Mrs Knowles and her husband must be having a marvellous time then. However, I must say that this formula must be working only for them.”

Why do you say that?” I asked, staring him in the face. “How dare you challenge Mrs Knowles whose experience in the field is reputed to be impeccable?”

“Well, her recommendation would not work for me” he said opening up his shirt front to reveal what looked like a corset underneath.

“Damnation! Eddie, since when have you been earring that thing? You don’t need that!”

“Since my wife found one on the back seat of my car six months ago!”

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