Juju In African Politics
A Touch of Nokoko by Kofi Akumanyi
"For instance, when, on 13 February 1976, late General Murtala Mohammed was cut down by the assassin's bullets, we were totally downcast. When we recall his Congo valour and Benin gallantry, we concluded that he was not the type of many that could be easily killed in a traffic hold-up. The answer came at last. The day he was killed was a Friday. And the late General Muhammed, being a devout Muslim, was wont to leave juju kit at home because he would not like to take them into the mosque for the Friday worship. Most people believed this despite the late General's often repeated conviction that "there is no armour against fate."
So the obvious questions that need to be asked are: What are African juju men doing in the face of Apartheid and colonialism in Namibia and South Africa? If Kenya's Mau-mau juju had anything to do with her independence, why are they redundant when their services are badly needed in Southern Africa? Perhaps more important, where are the self-acclaimed rainmakers when drought has devastated farm lands and famine is rampant in Africa?
This columnist is also worried that Africa's great potential in occult (black magic) has not been exploited for the benefit of its people. One would have thought that right alongside the other natural resources of Africa the traditional Jujuman's powers would be harnessed and developed possibly into an exportable commodity to earn foreign exchange.
Naturally, before this can be achieved the industry should be seen to have done much to better the lot of ordinary citizens of a country. For a start a corporation would be set up - Juju Development Corporation - with a managing director who would be the most powerful jujuman in the country. Every individual in that corporation would necessarily possess some kind of powers to perform extraordinary acts. But one area where the powers of the Juju Development Corporation would sorely be needed is in politics. Any President, Prime Minister, and Minister worth his talisman would not step out of his house without consulting the omnipotent oracle.
An exclusive interview with the Minister for Juju Affairs would probably go along these lines.
***
"Would you kindly brief me on some aspects of the developments that are being carried on in the various departments under your Ministry? I asked.
"Certainly" said the minister waving an ominous-looking fly-whisk.
"You see my government has finally given recognition to the importance of juju in this country; the potent but latent power that has remained un- tapped all these years. Our aim therefore is to develop juju to the level that it can be exported as a marketable commodity on the world market," he said.
BULLET-PROOF VESTS
"That's very commendable, I can't wait to see the first product on sale. What are some of the specific areas under development?" I asked."Well, for a start development of the invisible bullet-proof vest is far advanced"
"Invisible bullet proof vest?" I asked trembling with excitement "That would surely be a seller all over the world. How would that operate?"
"That's a trade secret; all I can tell you is that no country who buys our product would ever need armoured tanks and bullet-proof vests. A soldier would only have to rub a special ointment on his body and no man-made bullet can ever touch the skin".
"I can't wait to buy the ointment; I have many enemies. I suppose small problems like stabbing with knives have already been taken care of?"
"Oh, definitely. Right now, all the ministers in the government have been treated against such physical attacks; it's impossible for ordinary human beings to harm them," the Minister informed me.
"What about rain-making?"
"I thought you'd never ask," the Minister said quite relieved that a subject he could really get his teeth into had come up. "This is our busiest schedule for obvious reasons and from our Rain-Making Laboratory, I'm reliably informed that the Chief-priest is on the verge of cracking nature's secret. I shall soon announce a day for a public demonstration of rain making at which world dignitaries would be invited."
I'm so excited!" I said as my hands shook with the thrill of Africa beating the Western world to such an important feat.
"How much would the equipment cost? I'm thinking of the hard foreign currency we would earn."
"Who is talking about equipment? This is juju and don't you forget it. The product comes in the form of an incantation. Any country which needs rain would pay for it and the government Chief Rainmaker goes to that country to produce the rain," the Minister said.
"I'm very happy to hear that, I was worried about what the industrialised world has suffered from the pilferage of trade formulae and copyright."
"We've taken care of all that," assured the Minister and offered me a glass full of a dark potion. "Drink this and you'll never have to worry about your potency. It's made in our Family Planning Unit."
"No, thank you. I don't have any problem in that department," I said. "Sir, what would you say are the other important areas the government is most anxious to develop?"
"Well, I don't know if I should tell you this." he said and paused for a while. "This is off the record for security reasons, understand? You see all those talisman-studded walking sticks and fly-whisks on the wall?"
"Yes, quite an impressive cultural artifacts. They would sell very fast in the African Curios shops," I remarked.
"They possess the most awesome supernatural powers ever developed. I won't tell you their names but about 10 African leaders have placed orders here for them." The Minister said, lowering his voice down to a confidential whisper. "They are the ultimate antidote for military coup d'etats!"
