The Jokes Of Politicians And Doctors
A Touch Of Nokoko By Kofi Akumanyi
His response varied from denying that he would put up taxes at all, to promising that he would not raise personal taxes - which implied that he would increase other taxes to saying now that any tax raise would be a last resort. Along the way he and Mr George Bush managed unwittingly to contradict each other, and then Mr Reagan found it necessary to correct what he had himself been saying.
Then there was his misfired joke about bombing the Russians. Says Geoffrey Smith, in his TIMES commentary column of August 20: "I find it hard to take this as seriously as many people, including many Americans, evidently do. This kind of thing can be a defence mechanism for those bearing great responsibility. Some doctors would have red faces if they were to be judged by the jokes of the operating theatre," he quipped.
I am inclined to agree with this view about "grave-yard" humour of doctors. My dear friend, Sonny Coleman's experience at least, is a point worthy of note.
You see, Sonny was admitted to the government hospital with a stomach ailment. I couldn't swear by the glass he drinks from but it was well known that he could out-drink anybody under the table; the harder the stuff, the easier he could handle it.
It was widely rumoured (he denied it all) that as a systematic tippler, he had been consistently warned about the dangers that he was subjecting his poor liver to. He ignored them all. Thus it was that he swore to have overheard the following conversation between the two surgeons after he had suddenly collapsed and was admitted for an emergency operation.
The scene was in the operating theatre; as the preparation for the surgery went on, one doctor picked up the patient's record file and emitted an audible groan.
"I say, this is not the same Sonny Coleman that we know, is he?"
"He is the very same individual and this time the gastric disorder appears to have seriously damaged his health beyond repair," said Dr Hanson.
"I don't know why we bother about him. He never listens to advice, does he? Reading the notes, it seems he did not give up the consumption of hard liquor."
"Give up hard liquor? Are you kidding? The man swims in the stuff. Did you see his wife in the waiting room?" asked Dr Forson, "She's really a beautiful woman. She deserves a better man to explore her delightful body."
"Remember your oath."
"What oath?"
"The hippocratic oath."
"Man, all I'm saying is that this drunk is doing a great disservice to mankind by depriving this attractive woman of the joys of expert love- Who would purge us of reality making by a clear-headed man; someone who doesn't sleep on the job."
"How are you so sure that Mr Coleman has not been performing his conjugal duties?" asked Dr Hanson.
"I spoke to Mrs Coleman. Of course it was purely a matter of medical enquiry on how the husband's debilitating disease has affected his other functions - all above board, you know," he said and winked knowingly.
"Yes, I know and I'm going to make sure throughout this operation that there is no premature take-over of the assets of Mr Coleman."
You mean, you won't help a professional colleague to dispatch this bum to kingdom come even if it would eventually be in the interest of the patient who is better dead than alive?" asked Dr Forson, putting on his overalls and gloves and picking up a scalpel to begin the operation.
"No way!"
"Well, I give up. But remember that we doctors never lose. As one wit said 'the sun always shines on our successes and the earth covers our mistakes!' or something to that effect."
Mr Coleman, who throughout this bizarre tongue-in-cheek conversation lay stretched on the operating table, commended his soul to God and wife to Dr Hanson. Happily, he survived the operation and the red faced doctors said he must have been suffering from pre-operation syndrome, a condition which makes patients dream of the worst possible things that could affect them during a major operation.
