Coping With The Nabobs Of Divinity
A Touch Of Nokoko by Kofi Akumanyi
"Opium of the people", shouts the political jingoist and atheists who think that it is better to look for the material world than the spiritual. But as Jesus Christ said nearly two thousand years ago, the seed that he sowed would grow and spread to the four corners of the world.
Without a shadow of doubt the prophesy has come true; perhaps disastrously true. Christian religion has grown and spread from its area of origin around the Mediterranean throughout the world and with the phenomenal growth has emerged all sorts of hybrid developments which have had people scratching their heads in confusion.
Being a man with a steady orthodox religious upbringing I don't usually look down on the new-fangled religious bodies whose "aggressive sales tactics" have been the subject of many enquiries in the past - that is if I am left alone to practice what my parish priest preaches to me every Sunday. Some of these door-to-door religious groups have become pests to me, to put it mildly. I thought I was alone until I read the views of others.
Complained Mr Ivor Saureer in a local weekly about a revival meeting held in his area"... The Bible bashers so generously filled our lives with their assortment of pop groups, a choir, a female vocalist with an ear-shattering performance and a 'blaster' of ceremonies endowed with that particular brand of insufferable enthusiasm which is best contained across the Atlantic where it belongs (along with the public announcement system).
"The Almighty' megawatts invaded a house of closed doors and windows with such effect that at one stage it competed unfavourably with a Hoover at close proximity (the Hoover didn't stand a chance). The latter could, at least be switched off after a reasonable time and did actually remove pollution …”
Strong words, those, for anybody to use against children of God spreading his gospel with praise, cymbals and song as He requested them to do through the good Book. However, it isvery easy to get on the wrong side of some of these sects. This is what happened to me early one Sunday morning. It happens all the time.
A knock on the front door. I peep through the spy-hole and I behold an elderly couple clutching bulging brief cases.
"Peace be unto you," the man says as I open the door, "I bring you good news."
"Have I won the pools?" I ask him, "Please break the news gently. I can't stand the excitement."
"It's something better than winning the Pools; we bring you the peace of mind which passeth all understanding…:
"That's fine except that I'm pretty occupied this morning. Can you come another time?" I say trying to shut the door.
"Another time? The Kingdom of God is at hand and the time for salvation is NOW," he riposted at the same time jamming his foot in the door.
"My, oh my, we never give up at all, do we?"
"You bet. You see, God said 'six days shall thou labour and the seventh day is the Lord thy God's'. We members of Glorification Church of God obey the rule to the letter" he says and pushes past me followed by the lady.
"As a matter of fact I also obey that commandment. I've just returned from morning service and the priest told us to be wary of false prophets."
"That's quite true, there are many of them all over the place who are only interested in your money and not your soul. Ours is the only church which is totally dedicated to your spiritual upliftment. Join the Glorification Church ..."
"No, I can't. I was born and baptized as a Methodist and I love our hymns too much to leave it only to join a new-fangled religion." I say.
"New fangled? You can't be serious. Our membership runs into millions all over the world."
"Literally, millions believed Rev. Jones enough to have followed him into death in the infamous Jonestown mass suicide."
"That's a different story. We had nothing to do with that."
"That's what the Devil probably told God after persuading Adam and Eve to taste the Apple."
The couple leave after sometime and promise to see me later when I am in a better disposition to receive their brand of religion.
Since then I have been visited by the Jehovah's Witnesses, The Mormons and what-have-you.
Does anybody have a feeling that the world is coming to an end?
