A Stranger's London
I'm forty-fly me
Accountant John Lamb has taken 40 friends on a four-day holiday to Majorca at a cost of £8,000 to mark his 40th birthday. John, of Kirkwood Drive, Huddersfield, Yorks, laid on a champagne and smoked salmon break- fast as a send-off, accompanied by a 20-piece brass band. He said: "Life has been good to me. This is something I'll always remember."Better half
"Anyone reading the latest Social Trends Report might just possibly get the idea that British husbands, on the whole, are lazy," editorialised the Daily Mirror.Only one in 100, for example, does all the washing and ironing. Only one in 20 cooks the evening meal or does the shopping alone. And fewer than one in 30 vacuum- cleans or wields a dustpan and brush.
Some men, admittedly, share these chores with their wives. The rest let them get on with it.
That is the case for the prosecution. But before the verdict of guilty, there is another side to the story, continued the Mirror.
Who puts the plug on the washing machine, the iron and the vacuum cleaner? Who mends the fuses? Who cuts the lawn, repairs the fence and digs the garden?
Who cleans the outside windows (and often the inside ones as well)? Who climbs the ladder to clean out the gutters?
Who repairs broken toys, washes the car and takes the dog for a walk? Who makes up the fire and empties the ashes?
Who chops the wood and empties the drains?
Who has to go and look when the wife says she can hear a burglar prowling downstairs?
Who gets the cat in on a freezing cold night?
Who else hangs the wallpaper?
Who does the painting? Who else?
The defence rests.
Mother's touch
Want a baby? Then hold your partner's hand, say scientists. If a woman's fingers are cold she's at her most fertile part of the month. The temperature change is caused by hor- mones reducing blood flow, say scient- ists at King's College Medical School, London.Skinny Mini
Computer wizard Clive Sinclair unveiled his latest marvel recently an electric "mini" that does 1,000 miles for the price of a gallon of petrol. The battery-powered bike costs £399 and can be driven on the roads by anyone over 14.They won't need a licence, road tax, insurance, number plates or even a crash helmet. Some police and safety experts have said the bike - named the C5 could be a danger in traffic. But Sir Clive, who hopes to have 100,000 on the road this year alone, said: "By being on three wheels instead of two we will be adding very much to safety on the road."
Find the laziest man in Britain
The News of the World last weekend launched "the great quest of 1985" - to find the Laziest Man in Britain.There is much for Mr Bone Idle to win. A colour television with (of course) armchair remote control. A super set of darts. A year's subscrip- tion to Sporting Life, free beer for a year.
He'll also receive a set of golf balls. A season ticket for the local football team. A de-luxe fishing rod. And a pair of luxurious slippers. The invitation therefore goes to wives and other ladies to write to the newspaper in not more than 200 words why they think their men qualify for the title.
A bride in wedlock
A bride and groom spent their wedding night locked up - in separate prison cells. Things started to go wrong on Peter and Jacqueline Kilbride's big day the minute they left the wedding recep- tion for their hotel.Their hired car broke down and after a furious row they went on a pub crawl. But Kilbride, 41, a former deputy-headmaster was later arrested after brandishing a knife in a bar.
The sweethearts ended up under lock and key when they were found to be carrying drugs. Police also found drugs in the couple's farmhouse home.
Later in court, the magistrates were told that because of Kilbride's belief in Celtic mythology he had armed himself with a pistol and knife as ritual protection for his 30-year-old wife. The couple were fined a total of £200 with £30 costs for admitting firearms and drugs offences.
Going to pot?
Recently, a waiter at the Reform Club in London's Pall Mall admitted in court that he had cannabis in his room, wrote Woodrow Wyatt in his Voice of Reason column in the News of the World.The waiter, he continued, gave the court this explanation: "I'm a socialist and objected to the sight of all those rich slobs sitting around gorging themselves on food and drink while others are starving."
Mr Roy Hattersley, Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, won't be pleased, concluded Mr Wyatt, he is a prominent member of the Reform Club.
