Sterling crisis at home
A Touch Of Nokoko by Kofi Akumanyi
Matters were not helped much when in the middle of all that the pound decided to continue sliding down the scale against the almighty dollar.
When the Prime Minister, Mrs Margaret Thatcher and the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Mr Nigel Lawson responded to the media speculation on the nature of the crisis with "what crisis?", it convinced me that, like the protracted miner's strike, the government would not intervene to save the pound.
Indeed, not even the optimistic note sounded by one financial journalist in the middle of all the gloom could help change my mood when he observed that "one effect of the plunging pound not widely appreciated is that it has led to a dramatic increase in the Treasury's revenue from North Sea oil. The fall in the world prices has helped to push down the value of sterling. But the pound's decline against the dollar has pushed up the price per barrel that Britain gets to record levels".
The question is, would that help the family's money problems?
The meeting was held around the dining table and a couple of delegates were wringing their hands nervously presumably because the whole business had been rather sudden. As a competent chairman I tried to allay any fears and lingering doubts in the minds of the younger participants, remembering the acrimonious atmosphere that was generated at last year's meeting.
I asked the Budget Director to present to the meeting a brief overview of the state of the family's economy for the previous year which, with the flourish of an accomplished economist, she did in exactly one minute and thirty seconds. A couple of listeners shifted uncomfortably in their seats when the expenditure on toys over the last Christmas was read out.
I took over the meeting and opened the floor for a debate on the budget proposals for 1985/86. Then all hell broke loose. I had to smash my fist hard on the table to bring order into the conference. I called on Theresa, 12, to speak.
"Daddy, why are we having this meeting at this time?" she wanted to know.
"I thought it was pretty obvious to all assembled here that the value of the pound has dropped to an abysmal level and your mother and I thought we should bring forward this meeting to explain why certain sacrifices, I mean, belt-tightening, would be needed by all of us if we are to survive the year 1985..."
"What has the fallen pound got to do with us?" she cut in. "Besides, why should we be the ones to tighten our belts?"
"Very intelligent questions," I commended her. "You see, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, Mr Nigel Lawson and the Prime Minister, Mrs Margaret Thatcher, don't want to interfere with the money market, so over the past few weeks your pocket money, you may have noticed, has reduced in value; it now buys less sweets for instance," I explained with the help of graphs and diagrams.
"I haven't noticed that from the sweet shop. I still get the same quantity for 10 pence, don't I?" she asked, turning to her brother and sister.
"O.K., the situation is more complicated than that, but suffice it to say that the fall of the pound sterling has precipitated an economic crisis in the household."
"What crisis?" exclaimed three voices in unison. "I know what's going on. Daddy is trying to find another excuse to reduce our pocket money," said Sammy, who is 8 years old.
"I'm not doing any such thing," I shouted realising that I had to stamp my authority on the meeting before wild allegations were allowed to damage my reputation. "All I'm doing, as we've always done in this establishment, is to let democratic principles prevail by allowing free discussion of our common problems."
"Perhaps we can put it this way,' my wife intervened to save the situation, "children, the pound's trouble has seriously affected our financial resources. We have to pay higher interest on the mortgage on this house... the prices of the imported Ghana food that you love so much have gone up, even local transporta- tion cost has gone up..."
"Then get more money from the bank," said Evita, the youngest delegate at the conference.
"Or ask your employers for more money, " chimed in Sammy.
"Please, don't let's be irrational and emotional over this issue. The best way, as Margaret Thatcher has taught us all, is to cut our coats according to our cloths, and be more efficient and productive, right? I therefore propose that we all find ways and means to voluntarily reduce expenditure."
"Not again!"
"I have stopped smoking as from today."
"But Daddy, you never smoke."
"Well, I was going to begin this week. As a further demonstration of my willingness to make our internal democratic experiment work, I have decided to give up going to Tottenham Hotspur matches, I said expecting to hear an applause which did not come.
"On my part, the weekly food budget would be scrutinized to cut costs and on a personal level the visit to the hairdressers would be limited to once a month," announced our budget director who was greeted with loud cheers from the children.
"Well kids, what have you to offer?"
"We have carefully considered this new deal," Theresa, the spokeswoman said, "and come to a conclusion that in our present circumstances we cannot sacrifice any more without becoming the laughing stock in the neighbourhood..."
"Hold it right there. Everybody is making sacrifices. You children always talk about fairness. Now, I'm giving you a chance to make a voluntary sacrifice or..”
"Can't we solve the problem without muscle-flexing?" my wife cut in reproachfully.
"It seems we cannot. When people don't want to see sweet reason, some- one has to make the vital decisions and stick by it..."
"You're beginning to sound like Mrs Thatcher."
"Thanks, for the compliment. Now, I have decided that the computer that you kids want wouldn't be available until next year and your pocket money has been halved..."
The picketing in the house has not stopped since.
