Why The Applications Kept Rolling In
A Touch Of Nokoko By Kofi Akumanyi
It is unbelievable. Just as I was clearing my mind of the recent spate of spy scandals, we have been hit right between the eyes with another bombshell - the former KGB spy-master, Vataly Yurchenko, who defected to the West in August, decided to go home.
The question which every right-thinking human being interested in spy stories (and, perhaps, the welfare of the whole human race) is asking is: Was Yurchenko a phoney defector who pretended to seek asylum and make the American intelligence services look foolish? Or was he a bona fide as the State Department says, but after coming in from the cold in August decided to go back again in November?
After agonising for many days over these questions without arriving at any logical answers (how could I?) I hit on a brilliant idea (it is not often that I have such heavenly-inspired inspirations) to interview William Casey, the CIA Director who, I determined, could throw more light on the issue than anybody else.
I rang his office in Washington but his secretary (or was it an answer-phone?) said he had gone out to confer with the President over the Yurchenko affair. I thought the matter of such sensitive nature should not be divulged on an ordinary telephone - who knows, the KGB could be listening in. I hung up. Later, after a few more attempts on my special red phone, I got someone who sounded like William Casey.
"Hello Willie," (I am on first name terms with him) "how are you doing?"
"Not bad, not bad. We are holding our own in this God forsaken espionage jungle," he said, rather ebulliently.
"Espionage jungle? I didn't know that you also had a jungle out there."
"You didn't? Well, take it from me that this business has gone to the jungle and the dogs. My predecessors did not have it so tough. Well, don't tell me... I know they did not have the type of resources that I now have. But damn it all."
"Well, calm down; I appreciate the full responsibilities that are weighing on your broad shoulders," I consoled him.
"You think you do, but you don't know half the problems that these spy scandals are causing.
"Like what?"
"Like all the applications that have flooded into my office since Yurchenko defected to the West."
"That's what I was going to ask you about. Why did that man leave like that?"
"The son-of-a-gun doesn't know yet but he has triggered off an unprecedented flood of letters from the Soviet Union. Apparently, they don't believe what it's all about reading the propaganda being put forward by the KGB."
"I'm holding my breath, I can't wait to hear it."
"They all want to defect to the West..."
"But if that is, indeed, the popular feeling, why the hell has Yurchenko gone back saying he was kidnapped by the CIA?" I asked.
"My dear friend, if you believe his story, you would believe anything."
"Believe what?"
"That he has gone back to the Soviet Union and the KGB which, over the past few months, swore he loathed with all his heart."
"Now, this is a new one," I said, scratching my head in mock disbelief. "You sure about that?"
"Are you kidding? Have I ever lied to you? You can take it from me that the man you saw climbing into a plane bound for Moscow recently and was reported to be Yurchenko was not him. He is actually his double!" he said.
"Then, from my understanding of the whole bizarre situation, the only reason why the Soviets are keeping mum about the 'double-take' is to maintain cordial relations with the United States of America."
"Touché! You have warmed up to the topic."
"So what does Mr Reagan say about all this?"
"Well, Ronnie is cool. He is handling all this rather beautifully. When he meets Gorbachev the forthcoming summit, he would have a word or two Mr in with him over the spy scandal."
"What will he say?"
"It's classified information."
"Have I ever let you down? You know you can confide in me."
"Well, this is off the record, you know. Reagan would suggest to Gorbachev to allow all those thousands of Soviets who have applied to defect to the West to leave in exchange for a million tons of US grain surplus! You would not read this information in a communique in Geneva, naturally."
