Strangers' Britain
Victim grabs thieves' cash
Two bungling thieves tried to rob a post office and lost their own money. They strolled up to the counter, brought out two £50 notes and asked for change. One speaking in broken English tricked the clerk, Mrs Rita Patel, into opening a security window and then tried to grab the money inside. But Rita was too fast for him. She held on to her money and snatched the £50 notes too. They fought a tug of war over the cash until the robber gave in and asked for his £100 back.Rita refused and told him: "You tried to rob me, I'm calling the police." The robber, a smartly-dressed Asian man, and his accomplice, a teenage girl, fled from the post office in Tatling Road, Gerrards Cross, Bucks.
Rita handed the £100 to the police. An officer said later: "Needless to say, the robbers haven't come to us to try to claim it."
Thief caught on camera
A bungling thief took his own "wanted" photographs. Matthew Roe-Barnett, 17, asked a taxi- driver to pick him up at a store in Chichester, Sussex, so he could rob him.While he was waiting, he decided to kill time by having his photographs taken in an automatic booth. Then, when he saw the cabbie looking for him in the store, he dashed out, stole £48 takings from the taxi and fled. But the cabbie found the photographs he left behind and the police put them on TV.
Roe-Barnett, of Old Shoreham Road, Hove, Sussex, was sent to a detention centre for two months by Chichester magistrates.
Girl raped by killer stepfather
Pretty teenager Karen Onions was raped by her demented stepfather after he killed her mother and brother.Brunette Karen, 17, woke from her sleep to find drunk barman David Onions strangling her.br>
But after choking her unconscious he became sexually aroused and raped her. Sobbing Karen watched from the public gallery as Newcastle-upon-Tyne Crown Court heard how Onions became crazed when his wife Margaret, 42, taunted him about sex. He strangled her as they lay in bed - then decided to wipe out the rest of the family before killing himself. Onions, 24, battered his 11-year-old sleeping stepson Terry with a hammer - then crept into Karen's bedroom.
Onions, of Old Durham Road, Gates- head, Tyne and Wear, was jailed for life after admitting two murders, attempted murder and rape.
Killer is the new minister
A man jailed for murder in 1979 is taking over as minister of two churches.The Rev. James Nelson, given parole after serving nine years of a life sentence for killing his mother, became a Church of Scotland clergyman in 1983. Congregations in Chapelhall and Calderbank, Lancashire, voted overwhelmingly to accept him as minister.
40 pints kills a boozer
A shop-keeper died after drinking the the equivalent of 40 pints of beer in a mammoth binge. Bhimbo Keshwara, 31, was more than ten times over the drivers' alcohol limit when he collapsed at a police station.A pathologist said at the inquest in Walthamstow, North London: "It's difficult to see how he was ever alive with that level."
Keshwara, of Chingford, East London, called a minicab after a night of boozing. He downed half a bottle of vodka in the car and passed out. When the driver could not find Keshwara's home he drove him to the police station. Verdict: Misadventure.
Two pee on beer
Two boozers have been banned from their local for peeing in the beer.br>When nature called on a trip round a brewery they just couldn't wait ... so they watered down a 10,000 pint of best bitter.
Horrified bosses had flushed all the contaminated beer worth £7,000 down the drain. The disgraced duo were among 80 regulars from the Cambridge Hotel, Middlesbrough, Cleveland, who went on a courtesy visit to Sam Smith's Brewery in Tadcaster, North Yorkshire.
Unfortunately, they supped too many samples of the brewery's famous ale for comfort. Landlord Tony Bevington, 32, says he won't have the pair back in his pub. The brewery's personnel manager, director Bryan Askew, said: "There were some high jinks from a couple of the visitors, but the matter is now closed."
Bells are ringing for 999 bride
Panic-stricken bride Helen Hayes called out the fire brigade when her car got stuck in the snow two hours before her wedding. The gallant firemen responded by beating the drifts in a Land Rover to collect her from her home in Brightstone, Isle of Wight.Then they whisked Helen and brides- maid Helen Dabell off to the brigade's Newport HQ where they changed into their wedding clothes. Finally a fire engine delivered them at the town's register office in time for the ceremony.
Grateful Helen, 22, said afterwards: "It was rather romantic and I can laugh about it now but it was not so funny when I realised I might never get out of the house."
Breaking up
On a short tube journey last week I logged the following:Pay phones out of order: four out of six.
Ticket machines out of order: eight out of ten.
Lifts out of order: two (newly- installed) out of two.
Escalators out of order: one out of two.
Passport photo booths out of order: one out of two.
Chocolate machines out of order: two out of three.
Public clocks out of order, two out of three.
Is England coming apart at the seams or was this an off-day?
Keith Waterhouse - Daily Mirror
Ripper goes for Japanese cars
A tyre-slasher with a yen for Japanese cars is leaving drivers with a sinking feeling. He is causing havoc deflating Hondas, Datsuns, Mazdas and Nissans. One driver was forced to spend over £500 on new tyres. Others have traded in their cars for British or European models.The ripper's worst attacks were after TV showed the Japanese prisoner of war film, 'Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence'. "Several cars were done in that night," said hotel manager, Alan Brokes, whose Mazda has been slashed four times. The ripper has struck in Oxten and Cloughton, Birkenhead
